Keep Existing.

“So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but what is unseen, for what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” – 2 Corinthians 4: 16-18

This is post for all of those individuals out there who, just like myself, struggle from time to time. So if that’s not you and your life is, and always has been a walk in the sunshine… click that [X] now, because this post wont interest you for even a second.

But for the rest of us… the single working parents, the folks trying to keep their head above water, the shining example of productivity one minute and a classifiable mess the next; this one’s for you. Let’s talk about those deep down emotions for a moment, and maybe find a way to cope a little better.

It has become far too easy these days to bottle it all up. We hop on social media to share the most interesting and admirable moments of our life… we post a nice selfie on to our facebook the days we are feeling cute and we share our positivity with the world; and let’s face it, we are looking for acceptance from those viewers. We are hoping to get a compliment, make someone a little jealous, boast in our most glorious moments, and we check our likes to see exactly who our fans are.

But here is what you don’t see: You don’t see my car that needs cleaning (for the 4th time this month)… you don’t see the pile of laundry i cant find time to fold…

the tantrum my 4 year old threw this morning because i couldn’t build him a wooden army tank, the pile of toys in my office, or the makeup all over my bathroom counter because i was rushed getting out of the door (when i took time to take that nice little selfie)…

You don’t see my yard that needs to be mowed, or my flowers that are dying because at the end of the day im too tired to water them…

You don’t see me laying awake at night, biting my nails with extreme anxiety… worrying about everything and nothing at all. You don’t see me struggle to work while dragging around a 4 year old and commanding him to “be good”. You don’t see me on the verge of insanity. You don’t see me afraid of a noise at night, living alone with my son. You don’t see me struggle, or cry, or stop to catch my breath. You haven’t seen the anger in me from the betrayal of a failed marriage and the pain in my eyes when my son asks about his dad. You don’t see the sickness i’ve battled or the exhaustion i feel.

You don’t see it, but it’s there. To you I am a face on your feed with a life full of blissful experiences. A well rounded, totally put together mom and Realtor. But there’s more to me than that. There is more to all of us.

Like most of you, sometimes I struggle. I have come to understand the term “when it rains, it pours” on a deep and personal level. Some days I’m sad… maybe for legitimate reasons and circumstances of my life, or maybe I’m dwelling on some small thing that I need to let go. Sometimes I’m angry… because I was abandoned by many people who were supposed to love me without hesitation, and be here for me always.

I tend to bottle my emotions until they begin to bottle me, and then I withdraw and sulk in my misery until I decide to move on. Some days I am crippled by guilt, or fear, or maybe even humiliation. I cling to the handful of people that I am closest to and I pray that I never lose them.

You see, regardless of that “happy day” selfie you saw on your news feed… on the other side of that camera, there were emotions that no modern technology could capture. I looked like I was thriving, but I felt like I was barely existing.

Now fortunately, not every day is clouded in negativity. These days are rare, and random, and they really do always pass. But sometimes I fool you. Sometimes I play a good role; just like an actor in popular Netflix reality show… I create what I want you to see.

Regardless of the day, the selfie or the emotions… there’s one intrusive fact that I never forget, and here it is: Today, just like yesterday and through tomorrow… you gotta keep existing.

Situations will change, emotions will pass, bad days will end, broken hearts will heal, prayers will be answered, time will keep rolling on and your heart will keep beating. So no matter the moment, never forget: Just keep on existing, and this too shall pass.

“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.” Isaiah 40:31

I do not own rights to this song or album. All rights are reserved to the artist and publishers.

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